Tourist Resort is a place where no one knows how unimportant you are at home.



Name the 3 fastest means of communication?Telephone, Television and Tell-a-woman!



Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.



Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.



Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.



Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either.



The trouble with being a good sport is, you have to loose in order to prove it.



An optimist: A man who gets married when he's seventy-five and then looks for a house near a school.



Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.



Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master



Divorce : Future tense of marriage



Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".



Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.



Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.



Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..



Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.



Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.



Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.




Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.



Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.



Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.



Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.



Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.



Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.



Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.



Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.



Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.



Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.



Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.



Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."



Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.



Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.



Father : A banker provided by nature.



Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.



Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.



Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.